Quotes ;)

Winston Churchill:


A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. 


A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.


Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put. 


I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.


I am easily satisfied with the very best. 

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.


I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.


I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks.


Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. William James




A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx


A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. 
Bill Cosby


Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. 
Mae West


Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. 
Steven Wright


Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. 
Mark Twain


He would make a lovely corpse. 
Charles Dickens


I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. 
Woody Allen


I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers


I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen


I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Emo Phillips


I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. 
Rita Rudner



It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.
Jay London


My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Phillips


My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
Mike Meyers


 My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. 
Ellen Degeneres   


Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I
Oscar Levant


Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooks






XOXO,
Shelly