psycho bitch fight drama, don't you love it?

Raise your hand if you don't love it...

XOXO, Shelly

Emails From Assholes at don'tevenreply.com

Original ad:
Garage sale on Saturday April 17th from 10 am to 4 pm. Lots of clothes, furniture, electronics, and more. The address is 341 ********* Drive. Email me if you need directions.

Now before you think this woman doesn't deserve it, she spammed this ad everywhere, every day. I was sick of seeing it.

From Me to ***********@**********.org:

Hello,

I live a few blocks away from you and couldn't help but notice you are having a garage sale this Saturday. I am going to have to kindly ask you to change the date of your garage sale. I am having my annual world class garage sale on that day, and I do not want you to take away any of the customers that would be coming to my garage sale.

If you could hold your garage sale some time during May or June, that would be great.

Thanks,

Mike

From Karen ******** to Me:

I'm not changing the date. There is plenty of room for both of our garage sales.

From Me to Karen *******:

Karen,

There is not enough room for both of our garage sales. As I said earlier, my garage sale is a "world class" event. It draws in garage sale connoisseurs from all over the region. I have already booked a bartender and a string quartet for my sale on Saturday. My garage sale is a classy experience, and I do not want that experience to be ruined for customers who mistake your garage sale for mine. Now I'm not saying your garage sale isn't going to be nice, but I highly doubt you have a bartender and string quartet at your sale.

Please take down all of the ads in the neighborhood for your sale to avoid any confusion for my customers.

Mike

From Karen ******** to Me:

How rude of you to even make this request. I have the right to have a garage sale when ever I want to. What gives you the nerve to think you can tell me what to do?

From Me to Karen *******:

Karen,

You are correct, you do have the right to do whatever you want. I realize that I cannot change your mind about this.

I can, however, put up this ad all over the neighborhood. Let me know what you think of it:



Best,

Mike

From Karen ******** to Me:

What the hell is the matter with you? I swear if I see any of those ads in the neighborhood I will tear them down and report you. Do not speak to me again about this. You have been warned.

From Me to Karen *******:

Karen

I'm willing to cut you a deal and get you a spot on the guest list for my world class garage sale if you cancel yours.

Mike

From Karen ******* to Me:

Screw you and screw your world class garage sale, you world class prick. 

Funny Ads From The Paper

Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer $300.

Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat... been out while. Better be reward.

Our sofa seats the whole mob and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.

ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.

  

Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Hateful little dog.

Free puppies: ½ cocker spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbor’s dog.

Free puppies: part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.

Cows, calves never bred…also 1 gay bull for sale.

60 guys who are better than Jacob Black ;)

60 Guys Who Are Better Than Jacob Black


1. Chuck Norris 
2. Edward Cullen (Twilight)
3. Harry Potter (Harry Potter
4. Fred Weasley(Harry Potter)
5. Ron Weasley (Harry Potter)
6. Adam Lambert (American Idol)
7. George Weasley (Harry Potter)
8. The Chinese Backstreet Boys
9. Watson (Sherlock Holmes)
10. Daniel Craig as James Bond(James Bond)
11. Severus Snape(Harry Potter)
12. Pete Wentz(Fall Out Boy)
13. Dominic Howard (Muse)
14. Mathew Bellamy (Muse)
15. Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Carribean)
16. Christopher Wolstemholme (Muse)
17. Brendon Urie(Panic! At the Disco)
18. Ryan Ross(Ex Panic! At the Disco member)
19. Gerard Way (My Chemical Romance)
20. Commodore Norrington (Pirates of the Caribbean)
21. James (Twilight)
22. James Mcavoy (Becoming Jane)
23. Lestat (Interview With the Vampire)

24. Will Smith (I, Robot, I Am Leged, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)
25. Chris Crocker 
26. Dracula (Yeah he wins)
27. Phantom/Erik (Phantom of the Opera)
28. Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter)
29. Sirius Black (Harry Potter) 
30. Doctor Who (Doctor Who)
31. Ryan Seacrest (EVERYTHING)

32. Obi Wan Kenobi (Star Wars)
33. Riley Poole (National Treasure)

34. King Edmund (Chronicles of Narnia)
35. High King Peter (Chronicles of Narnia)
36. Anakin Skywalker (Star Wars)
37. Prince Caspian(Chronicles of Narnia)
38. Bo Duke (Dukes of Hazard)
39. Eric Foreman (from That 70’s Show or House; take your pick)

40. Luke Duke (Dukes of Hazard)
41. Albus Dumbledore (Harry Potter)
42. Gerard Butler (The Ugly Truth)
43. Indiana Jones (Indiana Jones)
44. Zack Morris(Saved By the Bell)

45. Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight, A Knight’s Tale)
46. Charlie Swan (Twilight)
47. Spongebob (If I have to tell you where he is from, well, that is just very, very, sad)

48. Damon Salvatore (Vampire Diaries)

49. Simon Cowell (Pop Idol, American Idol)
50. Stefan Salvatore (Vampire Diaries)
51. Edgar Allen Poe 
52. Larry the Cable Guy (Blue Collar Comedy)
53. Bill Engvall (Blue Collar Comedy)
54. Barney the Dinosaur
55. Travelocity Gnome
56. Mario
57. Luigi
58. Stephen King 
59. Trace Cyrus (Metro Station)

60. Chuck Norris (Yeah that’s twice)


XOXO,
Shelly

Quotes ;)

Winston Churchill:


A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. 


A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.


Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put. 


I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.


I am easily satisfied with the very best. 

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.


I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.


I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks.


Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. William James




A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx


A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. 
Bill Cosby


Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. 
Mae West


Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. 
Steven Wright


Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. 
Mark Twain


He would make a lovely corpse. 
Charles Dickens


I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. 
Woody Allen


I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers


I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen


I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Emo Phillips


I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. 
Rita Rudner



It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.
Jay London


My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Phillips


My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
Mike Meyers


 My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. 
Ellen Degeneres   


Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I
Oscar Levant


Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooks






XOXO,
Shelly

Tag time!

write what comes first to your mind:
cupcakes- Sprinkles
rainbows- GAY
school- Skchool
facebook- Addictive problem causer
twitter- ugh
unicorns- skipping school to go to alaska

ten random objects near you:
1. Cardigan
2. Note Cards
3. Web cam
4. Printer
5. Headphones
6. ipod
7. Speaker
8. Mouse
9. Painting
10. Name Tag

coke or pepsi? Coke

vanilla or chocolate? Chocolate

muffin or cupcake? Muffin

green or pink? Pink

blackberry or iphone? iphone

mac or pc? Mac

facebook or twitter? Facebook

hollister or abercrombie? Abercrombie

Random Babbling about my life at the moment.

My Nanners is coming for a visit!!!!! EEP! Can you say eep! with me? Come on do it! (I feel like Dora the Explorer,  because I am now sitting at my computer screen waiting for you to yell EEP! so that I can continue writing). So anyway you will all lurve her if you have not met her and already lurve her if you have had the good fortune to meet her!

I may get a laptop, and not just any laptop, a MacBook Pro! You wanna see a picture?!

Pretty freakin' cool if you ask me! I want the smaller one because then it will fit in my school bag. Yup my dad says that he would much rather spend the extra to buy a better computer (than a PC)  that will last longer than two years, plus I need it for school next year. EEP! 

 XOXO,
Shelly

PUPPIES!!!

Missie had puppies on 7 March 2010! they are the adorablest! She had eight, two boys and six girls. Let's see for the boys there is; James, Oxford, Greyson, Berkeley, Cambridge, Brendon, Roonil Waslib, Knox, Rochester, and Sherlock, for the girls there is; Lily, Alice, Windsor, Reagan, Desdemona (dezzie), Delilah, Holly, Poppy, and Nickie. I can't decide you should help me! Please?! Wanna see a picture? I know you do!

I'm leaning more towards the names I have highlighted. We only get to keep three, we were only supposed to keep one, but my dad only sold five. We are keeping one boy and two girls, tentatively ;). When they are old enough they are going to come to park with us, eep!

P.S. Lindsay is keeping one.
P.P.S. She wants to name it Hula Hoop, Miley, or Hannah Montana.
P.P.P.S. she can't decide either.
P.P.P.P.S. Help her too.
P.P.P.P.P.S. Lindsey says hi!
XOXO,
Shelly

Valentines.

Once again it is Valentines day and I have done NOTHING AT ALL. Whoops I lied I ate some scrumptious chocolate chips. Valentines is like a big middle finger to single people.


XOXO,
Shelly

Why?

Why is it that in fashion every single girl is a stick? Please tell me the answer and don't say "42" . It baffles me because been doing some research and almost every female actor or model in or around the fifties was not a stick! Take Marilyn Monroe for example;  she would now be considered plus-sized! This is just crazy no wonder lots of girls are anorexic!

I lurve you chickies!

XOXO,
Shelly