psycho bitch fight drama, don't you love it?

Raise your hand if you don't love it...

XOXO, Shelly

Emails From Assholes at don'tevenreply.com

Original ad:
Garage sale on Saturday April 17th from 10 am to 4 pm. Lots of clothes, furniture, electronics, and more. The address is 341 ********* Drive. Email me if you need directions.

Now before you think this woman doesn't deserve it, she spammed this ad everywhere, every day. I was sick of seeing it.

From Me to ***********@**********.org:

Hello,

I live a few blocks away from you and couldn't help but notice you are having a garage sale this Saturday. I am going to have to kindly ask you to change the date of your garage sale. I am having my annual world class garage sale on that day, and I do not want you to take away any of the customers that would be coming to my garage sale.

If you could hold your garage sale some time during May or June, that would be great.

Thanks,

Mike

From Karen ******** to Me:

I'm not changing the date. There is plenty of room for both of our garage sales.

From Me to Karen *******:

Karen,

There is not enough room for both of our garage sales. As I said earlier, my garage sale is a "world class" event. It draws in garage sale connoisseurs from all over the region. I have already booked a bartender and a string quartet for my sale on Saturday. My garage sale is a classy experience, and I do not want that experience to be ruined for customers who mistake your garage sale for mine. Now I'm not saying your garage sale isn't going to be nice, but I highly doubt you have a bartender and string quartet at your sale.

Please take down all of the ads in the neighborhood for your sale to avoid any confusion for my customers.

Mike

From Karen ******** to Me:

How rude of you to even make this request. I have the right to have a garage sale when ever I want to. What gives you the nerve to think you can tell me what to do?

From Me to Karen *******:

Karen,

You are correct, you do have the right to do whatever you want. I realize that I cannot change your mind about this.

I can, however, put up this ad all over the neighborhood. Let me know what you think of it:



Best,

Mike

From Karen ******** to Me:

What the hell is the matter with you? I swear if I see any of those ads in the neighborhood I will tear them down and report you. Do not speak to me again about this. You have been warned.

From Me to Karen *******:

Karen

I'm willing to cut you a deal and get you a spot on the guest list for my world class garage sale if you cancel yours.

Mike

From Karen ******* to Me:

Screw you and screw your world class garage sale, you world class prick. 

Funny Ads From The Paper

Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer $300.

Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat... been out while. Better be reward.

Our sofa seats the whole mob and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.

ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.

  

Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Hateful little dog.

Free puppies: ½ cocker spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbor’s dog.

Free puppies: part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.

Cows, calves never bred…also 1 gay bull for sale.

60 guys who are better than Jacob Black ;)

60 Guys Who Are Better Than Jacob Black


1. Chuck Norris 
2. Edward Cullen (Twilight)
3. Harry Potter (Harry Potter
4. Fred Weasley(Harry Potter)
5. Ron Weasley (Harry Potter)
6. Adam Lambert (American Idol)
7. George Weasley (Harry Potter)
8. The Chinese Backstreet Boys
9. Watson (Sherlock Holmes)
10. Daniel Craig as James Bond(James Bond)
11. Severus Snape(Harry Potter)
12. Pete Wentz(Fall Out Boy)
13. Dominic Howard (Muse)
14. Mathew Bellamy (Muse)
15. Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Carribean)
16. Christopher Wolstemholme (Muse)
17. Brendon Urie(Panic! At the Disco)
18. Ryan Ross(Ex Panic! At the Disco member)
19. Gerard Way (My Chemical Romance)
20. Commodore Norrington (Pirates of the Caribbean)
21. James (Twilight)
22. James Mcavoy (Becoming Jane)
23. Lestat (Interview With the Vampire)

24. Will Smith (I, Robot, I Am Leged, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)
25. Chris Crocker 
26. Dracula (Yeah he wins)
27. Phantom/Erik (Phantom of the Opera)
28. Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter)
29. Sirius Black (Harry Potter) 
30. Doctor Who (Doctor Who)
31. Ryan Seacrest (EVERYTHING)

32. Obi Wan Kenobi (Star Wars)
33. Riley Poole (National Treasure)

34. King Edmund (Chronicles of Narnia)
35. High King Peter (Chronicles of Narnia)
36. Anakin Skywalker (Star Wars)
37. Prince Caspian(Chronicles of Narnia)
38. Bo Duke (Dukes of Hazard)
39. Eric Foreman (from That 70’s Show or House; take your pick)

40. Luke Duke (Dukes of Hazard)
41. Albus Dumbledore (Harry Potter)
42. Gerard Butler (The Ugly Truth)
43. Indiana Jones (Indiana Jones)
44. Zack Morris(Saved By the Bell)

45. Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight, A Knight’s Tale)
46. Charlie Swan (Twilight)
47. Spongebob (If I have to tell you where he is from, well, that is just very, very, sad)

48. Damon Salvatore (Vampire Diaries)

49. Simon Cowell (Pop Idol, American Idol)
50. Stefan Salvatore (Vampire Diaries)
51. Edgar Allen Poe 
52. Larry the Cable Guy (Blue Collar Comedy)
53. Bill Engvall (Blue Collar Comedy)
54. Barney the Dinosaur
55. Travelocity Gnome
56. Mario
57. Luigi
58. Stephen King 
59. Trace Cyrus (Metro Station)

60. Chuck Norris (Yeah that’s twice)


XOXO,
Shelly

Quotes ;)

Winston Churchill:


A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. 


A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.


Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put. 


I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.


I am easily satisfied with the very best. 

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.


I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.


I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks.


Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. William James




A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx


A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. 
Bill Cosby


Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. 
Mae West


Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. 
Steven Wright


Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. 
Mark Twain


He would make a lovely corpse. 
Charles Dickens


I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. 
Woody Allen


I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers


I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen


I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Emo Phillips


I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. 
Rita Rudner



It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.
Jay London


My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Phillips


My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
Mike Meyers


 My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. 
Ellen Degeneres   


Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I
Oscar Levant


Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooks






XOXO,
Shelly

Tag time!

write what comes first to your mind:
cupcakes- Sprinkles
rainbows- GAY
school- Skchool
facebook- Addictive problem causer
twitter- ugh
unicorns- skipping school to go to alaska

ten random objects near you:
1. Cardigan
2. Note Cards
3. Web cam
4. Printer
5. Headphones
6. ipod
7. Speaker
8. Mouse
9. Painting
10. Name Tag

coke or pepsi? Coke

vanilla or chocolate? Chocolate

muffin or cupcake? Muffin

green or pink? Pink

blackberry or iphone? iphone

mac or pc? Mac

facebook or twitter? Facebook

hollister or abercrombie? Abercrombie

Random Babbling about my life at the moment.

My Nanners is coming for a visit!!!!! EEP! Can you say eep! with me? Come on do it! (I feel like Dora the Explorer,  because I am now sitting at my computer screen waiting for you to yell EEP! so that I can continue writing). So anyway you will all lurve her if you have not met her and already lurve her if you have had the good fortune to meet her!

I may get a laptop, and not just any laptop, a MacBook Pro! You wanna see a picture?!

Pretty freakin' cool if you ask me! I want the smaller one because then it will fit in my school bag. Yup my dad says that he would much rather spend the extra to buy a better computer (than a PC)  that will last longer than two years, plus I need it for school next year. EEP! 

 XOXO,
Shelly

PUPPIES!!!

Missie had puppies on 7 March 2010! they are the adorablest! She had eight, two boys and six girls. Let's see for the boys there is; James, Oxford, Greyson, Berkeley, Cambridge, Brendon, Roonil Waslib, Knox, Rochester, and Sherlock, for the girls there is; Lily, Alice, Windsor, Reagan, Desdemona (dezzie), Delilah, Holly, Poppy, and Nickie. I can't decide you should help me! Please?! Wanna see a picture? I know you do!

I'm leaning more towards the names I have highlighted. We only get to keep three, we were only supposed to keep one, but my dad only sold five. We are keeping one boy and two girls, tentatively ;). When they are old enough they are going to come to park with us, eep!

P.S. Lindsay is keeping one.
P.P.S. She wants to name it Hula Hoop, Miley, or Hannah Montana.
P.P.P.S. she can't decide either.
P.P.P.P.S. Help her too.
P.P.P.P.P.S. Lindsey says hi!
XOXO,
Shelly

Valentines.

Once again it is Valentines day and I have done NOTHING AT ALL. Whoops I lied I ate some scrumptious chocolate chips. Valentines is like a big middle finger to single people.


XOXO,
Shelly

Why?

Why is it that in fashion every single girl is a stick? Please tell me the answer and don't say "42" . It baffles me because been doing some research and almost every female actor or model in or around the fifties was not a stick! Take Marilyn Monroe for example;  she would now be considered plus-sized! This is just crazy no wonder lots of girls are anorexic!

I lurve you chickies!

XOXO,
Shelly

Thematic Thursdays

If you are me (that would be a weird story...) Thursdays are the best day of the week. Everything good always happens on Thursday, I mean first you have "The Vampire Diaries" and Damon is enough to make my day, any day, then of course almost every midnight premier I have ever gone to is on a thursday - night or day - *Cough* Percy Jackson *Cough* and for some reason my Horoscope is almost always the best on Thursday. So I guess you could say Thursday is kind "my day", everything always goes right for me on Thursdays. And because of  my regularly fantastical Thursdays I have decided to create "Thematic Thursday". Every Thursday I will talk about what (or who) is or has caught my eye the previous week. Get it? Like a end of the week review. Eep!

TAG! Animal inspiration

So this tag is something kind of interesting. You pick an animal, any animal you want, and then find ONE image on the internet that you think captures the "essence", if you will, of the animal you picked.

And;

Yup! I lurve you chickies!

XOXO,
Shelly

College

I like both of my college classes, but I do have a question. Why must ALL students re-take high school? I mean isn't that kind of the point of going to high school in the first place? To not have to redo it all in college? This confuses me fantastically. Here take me for example I have taken Algebra I, but in order to graduate with an associates degree I am required to RETAKE Algebra I AGAIN! Same with English, Science and History. If this is how it works why can't we Quit school at the Vulcan eighth grade? This such a stupid American practice, in europe kids DO finish school in the eighth grade. Then they kids choose - University or Trade school- but no not here. I hate to sound whiny (but here I am) but I am sooooo not looking forward to having to reatke highschool next semester. But a least for this semester all I have is fun classes, so woot! I lurve you chickies!
XOXO,
Shelly

Vlogging!

So I was thinking I may try vlogging, I really am not sure though. I have the means, I mean I have a camera and a computer, Oh, and P.S. a tripod, I guess. But I don't really know what to vlog about, lol. Maybe do like challenges, like, I don't know trying to eat a Tablespoon of cinnamon in ten minutes? Or maybe I could "myth bust", maybe test the "myth" that there are less red mm's in a package of mm's than the other colors? Do any of you have any ideas, because I have pretty much run a blank. Hmm, think on it. I kinda like the challenge thing, but has it been done before? Because I want to be as original as possible, I mean, I do not want to be thought of as a copycat, that would not be good. Or maybe just talk random gibberish, about things? I don't know. Help.


XOXO,
Shelly

Bit 'O Sense #1

    Never look upon a dancing and
 singing fat lady as she signals
 the end of a production in a
 jiggly fashion,or your eyes
 shall fall out.

Music Tag!

 Thank you Kieran!!!!!
After I am done you can put this on your blog and do the same thing! Music tag may commence!


Music Tag!

Song you're listening to now: "Sex On Fire" - Kings Of Leon


Song that never fails to make you smile: "Somebody To Love" - Leighton Meester



Song that makes you dance: "Blah, Blah, Blah (feat. 3OH!3)- Ke$ha


Song that makes you cry(or tear up): "Chasing Cars" - Snow Patrol



Now make a mental list of seven(7) people you know.
Got it?
Pick a song for 1: "Humanoid" - Tokio Hotel
Pick a song for 2: "Wet Hot American Summer" - Cobra Starship
Pick a song for 3: "Know Your Enemy" - Green Day
Pick a song for 4: "UltraViolet" - Stiff Dylans
Pick a song for 5: "21 Guns" - Green Day
Pick a song for 6: "Poker Face" - Lady GaGa
Pick a song for 7: "Scars" - Papa Roach

Pick a song for life right now: "Oxford Comma" - Vampire Weekend


Song someone you know needs to hear: "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" - Smashing Pumpkins


Favorite anthem song: "Uprising" - Muse

Song you can't get enough of right now: "You're Not In On The Joke" - Cobra Starship

That really annoying song that's stuck in your head: "The Flintstone's Theme Song"

Last one!
Shuffle through whatever music listening device that you use and list the song that comes up: "Punk B*tch" - 3OH!3

hum de hum hum...

I have come to to find that most of my favorite songs have some sort of comic genius to to them such as this particular specimen by Ke$ha. My friend actually sent this to me and it made me laugh and I thought woo hoo more funny songs to share!



D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R a dinosaur
D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R a dinosaur
An O-L-D M-A-N you're just an old man
Hittin' on me, what?
You need a cat scan

Old man, why are you staring at me?
Mack on me and my friends
It's kinda creepy
You should be prowling around the old folks home
Come on dude, leave us alone!

At first we thought it was kinda ill when
We saw that you were like a billion
And still out tryna' make a killin'
Get back to the museum

D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R a dinosaur
D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R a dinosaur
An O-L-D M-A-N you're just an old man
Hittin' on me, what?
You need a cat scan

That's what you are

You're pretty old

Not long til' you're a senior citizen
And you can prowl around with a sexy tank of oxygen
Honey, your toupee is fallin' to your left side
Get up and go bro
Oh wait your fossilized, ha!

You sit down, buy me a martini
You won't go away, my hips aren't sinking

"Hey" you say "you want to come with me?"
I'm about to barf, seriously!

D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R a dinosaur
D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R a dinosaur
An O-L-D M-A-N you're just an old man
Hittin' on me, what?
You need a cat scan






Here is a link to listen to it! 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTIdwDb5bFo

As I am obsessed...

As I am obsessed with England I figured I might as well write about it. So because of my obsession I like to use British-english words sometimes, so I have made a list of some of the more common and funny British words to share with you, just because...well...because.  ; )

Points of View

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

My Teacher Ms. Clapp says metaphors such as these are not at all uncommon...whoa.

Funny metaphors used in high school essays


Just in case you need some writing inspiration. Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year’s winners:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another

city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

*Giggle* *Giggle*

Thes ALL made me giggle. Alot.

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER


Print out and submit as per instructions at the bottom of the form.

1. Name :__________________________________________________ Date of Birth :_________________

2. Height :___________________________ Weight :_______________________ GPA :________________

3. Social Sec. #_______________________ Drivers license #______________________________________

4. Boy Scout Rank :__________________________

5. Home address :____________________________ City/ State____________________________________

6. Do you have one male and one female parent ? Yes _______ No _______

7. If no, explain :_________________________________________________________________________

8. Number of years parents married :__________________________________________________________

9. Do you own a van ?______ A truck with oversized tires ?______ A water bed ?_______

10. Do you have an earring , nose ring , belly-button ring ?______ A tattoo ?_______

(If yes to any of #9 or #10, Discontinue application and leave premises ...

11. In ten words or less, what does LATE mean to you ?___________________________________________

12. In ten words or less, what does Abstinence mean to you ?______________________________________

13. In ten words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you ?___________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________

14. Church you attend :_________________________________ How often you attend :_______________

15. When would be the best time to interview your Father, Mother, And Minister ? ___________________

16. What would you want to be IF you grew up ? _______________________________________________

Answer by filling in the blanks. Please answer freely - all answers are confidential

(that I won't tell anyone - ever- I promise).

If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is in the __________________________

If I were beaten the last bone I would want broken is my ________________________________________

The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ___________________________________

When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is_______________________________________

(Note: If answer begins with T or A, discontinue and leave premises: Keeping your head low and running in

a serpentine fashion is advised. )

I SWEAR THAT THE INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF: NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION,

CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, DEATH, AND DISMEMBERMENT.

Signature (that means your name, moron)______________________________________________________

Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4 to 6 weeks for processing. You will be contacted in writing if

you are approved. Please do not attempt to call or write. If your application is rejected you will be

notified by two gentlemen wearing white coats and carrying a violin case.

APPLICANT'S RIGHT THUMB PRINT IN BLOOD



Anger Management for Rude People


When you have a REALLY bad day, take it out on someone you don't know!

[When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know - take it out on someone you don't know…]



I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying, “Hello.”

I politely said, “This is Jason Braemore. Could I please speak with Rachel Carter?”

Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me - I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.



I tracked down Rachel's correct number and called her - I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again…



When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, “You're a scumbag!” and hung up.



I wrote his number down with the word 'scumbag' next to it, and put it on my speed dial. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, “You're a scumbag!” It always cheered me up!



When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'scumbag' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the Caller ID program?”

He yelled, “NO!” and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, “That's because you're a scumbag!”



One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale” sign in his car window… so I wrote down his number.



A couple of days later, right after calling the first scumbag, I thought I had better call the BMW scumbag too.

I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Can you tell me where I can see it?”

“Yes, I live at 1969 West 35th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front.”

“What's your name?” I asked.

“My name is Don Hanson,” he said.

“When's a good time to catch you, Don?”

“I'm home every evening after five.”

“Listen, Don, can I tell you something?”

“Yes?”

“Don, you're a scumbag.”

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial. Now, when I had a problem, I had two scumbags to call…



But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Scumbag #1…

“Hello.”

“You're a scumbag!” (But I didn't hang up…)

“Are you still there?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Stop calling me,” he screamed.

“Make me,” I said.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“My name is Don Hanson.”

“Yeah? Where do you live?”

“Scumbag, I live at 1969 West 35th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front.”

He said, “I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.”

I said, “Yeah, like I'm really scared, scumbag.”

Then I called Scumbag #2.

“Hello?” he said.

“Hello, scumbag,” I said.

He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are, I'll…”

“You'll what?” I said.

“I'll kick your ass,” he exclaimed.

I answered, “Well, scumbag, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.”



Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1969 West 35th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.



Then I called CKVU Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 35th Street.



I quickly got into my car and headed over to 35th Street.



There I saw two scumbags beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.


 
 
Bono, lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.


At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet.

Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.'

From the front of the crowd a voice with a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet ...

'Well, freakin stop doin it then, ya evil idiot!'

A card that says:

Happy Birthday to my best friend!

Just kidding, you're like my third best friend, but they don't make cards that say that.


How to write a paper in college/university:






1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.



2. Log onto MSN and ICQ (be sure to go on away!). Check your email.



3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.



4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate.



5. Check your email.



6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee. Just to get settled down and ready to work.



7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.



8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.



9. Check your email.



10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.



11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.



12. Grab some mp3z off of kazaa.



13. Check your email. ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!



14. MSN chat with one of your friends about the future. (ie summer plans).



15. Check your email.



16. Listen to your new mp3z and download some more.



17. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory emarks about your prof, the

course, the college, the world at large.



18. Walk to the store and buy a pack of gum. You've probably run out.



19. While you've got the gum you may as well buy a magazine and read it.



20. Check your email.



21. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.



22. Play some solitare (or age of legends!).



23. Check out bored.com.



24. Wash your hands.



25. Call up a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven't started either.



26. Look through your housemate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.



27. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.



28. Check to see if bored.com has been updated yet.



29. Check your email and listen to your new mp3z.



30. You should be rebooting by now, assuming that windows is crashing on schedule.



31. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.



32. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.



33. Lie face down on the floor and moan.



34. Punch the wall and break something.



35. Check your email.



36. Mumble obscenities.



37. 5am - start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6am -paper is finished.



38. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.



HAHAHA!!!! These made me laugh ALOT!!